The "me time" myth

I just read a fascinating article (here) that talked about how enticing and deceptive it is to seek time to oneself. How it is a hunger that can never be satisfied. I can so easily relate to the problems that she talks about, how the more I seek “me time”, the more resentful I am to have that time interrupted or denied me. And even when I do chuck it all and spend an entire day reading or playing on the computer, I do not end feeling refreshed and rejuvenated but rather empty.

The conventional modern cultural reply to that is that I am not fully enjoying myself because of my destructive guilt for taking that time. If I could just fully embrace the fact that I “deserve” that time to myself, I would then be recharged by it. That sounds so logical on the surface, but isn't it just another way that we are being taught to be selfish?

It seems to me that the problem does not start when I am harried and frustrated and I start demanding “me time”. I think the problem starts much earlier when I start resenting the things that I am asked to do. All those little moments when I'm faced with a poopy diaper, or the billionth question in the last hour, or asked to stop what I'm doing because somebody climbed up to the top bunk (where they weren't supposed to be in the first place) and then got stuck up there. Those are the moments when I have a tendency to put on that martyred attitude. That “Fine, I'll sacrifice of myself to help you, because it's what a good mother does” attitude. I may be physically doing the right things, but mentally I'm racking up a bunch of tiny little debts that the world owes me to make up for my saintly self-sacrifice. Is it any wonder that eventually that tally book gets very full and I start demanding payment? But because it wasn't a Godly thing in the first place, I get no rejuvenation from it. The moment my “me time” is over, I resent having to resume my drudgery.

I think that perhaps it is more godly to seek to enjoy the things that I am doing, to be content at all times so that no little debts get racked up in the first place. Instead of getting away from the kids for my calm time, is it not better to help the kids be calm with me? If I am enjoying my life as it is, why would I need a vacation to get away from it?

The secret language of food

I've been thinking about some of the stuff that Steve Pavlina has said in his recent 30 day trial of eating completely raw. He mentioned that people on raw food diets have lower body temperatures, sometimes even a couple degrees cooler. So far in this trial (he's 17 days into it), his body temperature has dropped a whole degree and he's been feeling cold. He's had to turn up his thermostat and he's still cold all the time. I really wondered about this, as I figured that this would be a very healthy way to live.

All of a sudden I had a eureka moment! I'd been thinking about maybe the reason a number of different diets all work, is that our bodies are designed to slip into different modes. Suddenly I realized that the body temp drop isn't a flaw, its a benefit. For a person to naturally be eating only raw fruits and vegetables, they would be either in a very hot part of the world or in the hottest season of the year. Those are the conditions that make that food available. Their diet is a signal to the body to drop its temperature to better adapt to the current conditions.

No wonder it is harder to go vegetarian in the winter (I'm not sure if the body temp drop is a result of the vegetarianism or the raw food). The body would have a terrible time adapting to the current conditions because it would be getting signals that it is supposed to be responding to a hot environment.

This also infers that all those folks who sit around in summer time with their air conditioners cranked up and eating potatoes and grain and meat, are miserably hot and overweight because they are telling their bodies that it is wintertime or a cold climate and their bodies need to run warmer and store fat for insulation.

The things successful people never say

I read a couple of really neat articles yesterday on Edith Yeung's site about phrases that successful people never say. So many of them were so familiar. A few I say myself, and most I hear the people around me say all the time. I don't know if I agree with them all, but I will spend some time reconsidering before I continue using some of these automatically. Here are the ones she listed, plus my own commentary:

1. This is probably a stupid question (I use this one often and frankly the idea of not using it anymore, scares me. When someone says this to me, no matter how dumb the question that follows, I feel socially obligated to be gentle with them.)

2. You probably don’t have time for this (I think people often use this to communicate “I respect that your time is valuable and I am not taking you for granted by simply assuming that you are available to cater to me”.)

3. I was just going to say that

4. I can’t… (Getting into the habit of looking at the problems rather than searching for solutions, is a terribly easy trap to fall into. If I had to name one trait of the very rich and successful though, I think it would be the habit of focusing on solutions rather than problems)

5. I'll try… (Ouch, I'm guilty of this one. It's a cop-out. It leaves you an out, just in case you don't succeed. Unfortunately it also keeps a person from fully committing themselves in the first place, which drastically lowers the chances of success.)

6. ...but…

7. I hope… (This one is right in there with “I'll try”. Saying “I will”, or “It will happen” are powerful, scary, phrases that push you out of your comfort zone and hold you accountable for what you do. They don't leave you any place to hide)

8. It is not fair (Notice that this sentiment implies that the power in the situation belongs to someone or something other than oneself?)

9. I don’t care (I know a number of people who “don't care”. They are like living breathing dead people. They work very hard to not care about things so that nothing can be taken from them, they can never be disappointed, and they can never be let down. They would rather voluntarily live miserable so that nobody else can cause them to be miserable.

10. It doesn’t matter to me… (Apathy is deadly)

11. Whatever…

12. I could’ve thought of that (This ones practically drips resentment for somebody else's success)

13. It’s not my fault (Blame. It's an expensive defense. While shifting the responsibility for a situation, you automatically give away all power to affect the situation. It can only be someone else's fault if they have the control over what happens in your life rather that you. )

I realize in reading through these phrases, that they are generally defensive shields, used to protect the speaker from risk. They give you ways to hide from accountability, try to keep others from hurting you, or have en escape prepared in case of failure. It's all about maintaining a sense of safety. But successful people don't just stay where it's safe. They step outside their comfort zones because that is where the challenges and rewards are.

Definitely go check out both articles (here and here). They are quick reads, but give greater depth on the topic.