I read a couple of really neat articles yesterday on Edith Yeung's site about phrases that successful people never say. So many of them were so familiar. A few I say myself, and most I hear the people around me say all the time. I don't know if I agree with them all, but I will spend some time reconsidering before I continue using some of these automatically. Here are the ones she listed, plus my own commentary:
This is probably a stupid question (I use this one often and frankly the idea of not using it anymore, scares me. When someone says this to me, no matter how dumb the question that follows, I feel socially obligated to be gentle with them.)
You probably don’t have time for this (I think people often use this to communicate “I respect that your time is valuable and I am not taking you for granted by simply assuming that you are available to cater to me”.)
I was just going to say that
I can’t… (Getting into the habit of looking at the problems rather than searching for solutions, is a terribly easy trap to fall into. If I had to name one trait of the very rich and successful though, I think it would be the habit of focusing on solutions rather than problems)
I'll try… (Ouch, I'm guilty of this one. It's a cop-out. It leaves you an out, just in case you don't succeed. Unfortunately it also keeps a person from fully committing themselves in the first place, which drastically lowers the chances of success.)
...but…
I hope… (This one is right in there with “I'll try”. Saying “I will”, or “It will happen” are powerful, scary, phrases that push you out of your comfort zone and hold you accountable for what you do. They don't leave you any place to hide)
It is not fair (Notice that this sentiment implies that the power in the situation belongs to someone or something other than oneself?)
I don’t care (I know a number of people who “don't care”. They are like living breathing dead people. They work very hard to not care about things so that nothing can be taken from them, they can never be disappointed, and they can never be let down. They would rather voluntarily live miserable so that nobody else can cause them to be miserable.
It doesn’t matter to me… (Apathy is deadly)
Whatever…
I could’ve thought of that (This ones practically drips resentment for somebody else's success)
It’s not my fault (Blame. It's an expensive defense. While shifting the responsibility for a situation, you automatically give away all power to affect the situation. It can only be someone else's fault if they have the control over what happens in your life rather that you. )
I realize in reading through these phrases, that they are generally defensive shields, used to protect the speaker from risk. They give you ways to hide from accountability, try to keep others from hurting you, or have en escape prepared in case of failure. It's all about maintaining a sense of safety. But successful people don't just stay where it's safe. They step outside their comfort zones because that is where the challenges and rewards are.
Definitely go check out both articles (here and here). They are quick reads, but give greater depth on the topic.
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